Madame Web

Madame Web (2024)

Alright folks, buckle up because we’re diving headfirst into the tangled web of “Madame Web,” and let me tell you, it’s a wild ride, but not the good kind.

Picture this: you’re Sony, riding high on the success of Spider-Man flicks, basking in the glory of the Spiderverse, and even making a buck or two off Venom; your only flop is a little movie called “Morbius“. Life’s good, right? But then you go and pick the same guy who penned the disaster that was “Morbius” to write your next Spider Universe project. Everyone agreed, the worst part of that movie was the writing, so why pick the guy who wrote it? Not only that, he wrote things like “The Last Witch Hunter” and “Gods of Egypt.” Come onnnnn, and oh yeah, let’s give him more money, let’s give him 80 million dollars, come on, why? I mean, seriously, who thought that was a good idea? It’s like giving a pyromaniac a flamethrower and hoping for a barbecue.

“Madame Web” is simply the worst comic book movie ever made. That’s a big statement, but at the same time, it’s the easiest one I have made in some time; nothing in this movie has a bright side.

Let’s talk about the cast. Tahar Rahim? Bless his heart, but watching him act in this was like watching a giraffe try to tap dance. And Dakota Johnson? Let’s just say she looked more uncomfortable than when she was fully naked in “Fifty Shades of Grey.“⠀

Sydney Sweeney, sweetie, maybe stick to roles like “Euphoria” and “Anyone but you” because this ain’t it. Isabela Merced and Celeste O’Connor were alright, but in a movie this bad, being just okay makes you stand out.⠀

And don’t even get me started on the special effects; they are horrendous and, at times, laughable, especially when it’s obvious they don’t know how to deal with a spider person who does not have webs. The way they handle it is to just cut off every time he jumps, and it just looks ridiculous.⠀

Still, with all that, we need to put the fault on the two main reasons this movie is so bad: the director, or should I say directors, because there are actually five. Yes, five: one director, three assistant directors, and one additional director. And this just shows that more is not always a good thing. With so many cooks in the kitchen, it becomes very hard to point fingers, but to whoever of the five decided on the camera angles, camera cuts, and just stupid use of camera movements, you should really go back and figure out what the hell you were thinking.⠀

Secondly, and the less surprising aspect if you’re not a Sony executive, the writing. This movie is actually painful to watch because of the story, the dialogue, the stupid voiceovers, the character development, and the choices they have made. I still can’t believe how something this bad is able to come out.⠀

“Madame Web” is straight-up a bad movie; it never has anything to say, it starts bad, and keeps getting worse, and the last scene is just so painful in every way that if you just shake your head in disbelief and fully understand why the studio didn’t even want to have an after-credit scene, because honestly, why would they want this to be connected to anything?⠀

What is, for you, the worst comic book movie?⠀




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