Roadhouse (2024)

So, I strapped in for the ride with the new “Road House,” fueled by positive rumors and promising reviews. I didn’t expect a cinematic masterpiece, but I did anticipate being entertained with a fun-filled flick that stayed true to its essence. However, by the closing credits, I found myself feeling somewhat cheated and disheartened.

Why was this movie hyped for a theatrical release? I’m genuinely baffled. My consolation is that I didn’t fork out cash for a ticket.

The film exudes laziness, which caught me off guard. Doug Liman, the maestro behind “The Bourne Identity,” delivered one of the most organic action experiences in cinematic history, revolutionizing the genre. Yet, here we are, scratching our heads at what went wrong. The special effects are abysmal, and their placement is downright bizarre. Practical effects could have salvaged this wreck.

The fight scenes oscillate between brilliance and sheer cringe in a matter of seconds. They feel so artificial and rushed that they veer into cartoon territory.

It’s a challenge to make Jake Gyllenhaal look bad, and thankfully, they don’t manage it here. As expected, he shines brightest amidst the mediocrity. The issue lies with everything else – the script, the acting, the direction – even Dalton’s character feels off, like a lurking serial killer yet to be apprehended.

Conor McGregor makes his acting debut here amidst whispers of scene-stealing prowess. However, what I witnessed was an over-the-top athlete who looks the part but lacks the finesse to pull it off. He gives it his all, but alas, he’s just not as funny as he believes himself to be.

In essence, this remake falls short of the hype. It offers fleeting moments of amusement, but they’re swiftly drowned out by a ludicrous plot, a woeful script, and a parade of forgettable two-dimensional characters, save for Jake Gyllenhaal’s Dalton.

Now, onto a more tantalising question: which old action movie truly deserves a remake?